I DON'T NEED COUNSELING! Bakura's Session
by YamimoriYagami
Summary: You know it won't be pretty when the king of thieves goes to counseling. . .


2009 is fastly approaching! Any resolutions?  
Hey, isn't there something on the Mayan Calander that says that the world will end in 2012 or something?  
Scary.  
The Death Note Opening just came on as I typed that O.O Eh, I'm not sure, I heard something about it on TV a while ago. Speaking of TV, my cable got cut off -.- Stupid old women downstairs telling on us for having it illegally hooked up. . . I mean. . .uh. . . I didn't say anything O.O'

Yu-Gi-Oh

Bakura In Counseling

"I don't really think that I need this 'counseling'," yami Bakura said as he leaned back in the orange seat. "It's rather ridiculous. . .I mean, what in the sands is this? 5000 years ago, there was no such thing as 'counseling"  
"5000 years ago?" echoed the counselor, . She shook her head as if in a panic. "We'll talk about that later. . .first, tell me, how are you feeling?"

Bakura growled, then sat up and barked, "MY HIKARI AND HIS GIRLFRIEND HAVE SEALED MY DARK POWERS AWAY UNTIL THE END OF THIS SESSION, AND I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE! I'VE BEEN TRAPPED IN A HUNK OF GOLD FOR 5000 YEARS! IVE BEEN TO HELL AND BACK! HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I FEEL"  
"Let's not forget our manners, Bakura," Dr. Yuri said, waving her pencil in the air rythemically. "That's another thing that they wanted you to work on! Manners"  
She smiled as Bakura glared at her, tempted to snatch the pencil and break it in two.  
Dr. Yuri, still no ceasing her smiling, wrote on her clipboard: Angry outbursts.

"I DO NOT HAVE ANGRY OUTBURSTS!" Bakura yelled at the top of his lungs. The good doctor began to appreciate her investment in soundproof walls. She pointed the pencil to his nose. "Man-ners, Bakura. Manners." She repeated.  
Bakura made a deep growling noise and bit off the tip of the pencil, then spit it out. "DON'T POINT THAT BLASTED THING AT ME"  
Dr. Yuri ignored him and simply sharpened her pencil and continued writing. This time, she scribbled: Short temper.

The yami sighed and tried to sit back and relaxed. The more he played along, the quicker he would get out of here. He ran his finger around the collar of his shirt, trying to loosen it.  
Damned hikari, he thought, always wearing his uniform too tight. "Now," Dr. Yuri said, "you said something about 5000 years ago? What was that about"  
"5000 years ago," Bakura sighed, crossing his arms. "That's how long it's been since I was sealed in this"  
He pointed to the golden millennium ring around his neck. "The Millennium Ring. . .I've been trapped in here 5000 years"  
"Trapped?" the doctor repeated, adjusting her glasses. "How is that so?"

Bakura leaned against the arm of the chair. "That damned pharoh sealed me within it! 5000 years ago! In Egypt"  
"Egypt?" began to sound like a broken record player. "Yes," Bakura, biting his lip, doing his best not to lost his temper.  
"So, you've been having past life experiences?" She asked, putting a hand against her head. "No, you impudent mortal, I AM a past life!" Bakura said, raising his voice. "M-hmm," the doctor said, glancing at her watch. "Do tell me about this past life. . .or rather, the life you used to live. . "  
Bakura smirked and sat up. "I was the King of Thieves! I took what I want, when I wanted it! I was going to avenge my village! But that damn pharoh"  
Dr. Yuri waved her hand in the air, signaling for him to stop. "Now-now, this past life, this village, what was it exactly"  
"Everyone in my village was, like me, a thief, and damned proud of it," he smirked. "However, that damn pharoh used them all as a sacrifice to create these cursed millenium artifacts!"

"M-hmmmmm," Dr. Yuri said, writing Dillusional to her notes. "And what the hell are you writing in that papyrus tablet?!" Bakura yelled. "Just things that I find some interest in," the doctor replied casually, not even looking up at her patient. She looked back up at him. "So, have you told your family about any of this? Are they the ones that brought you here"  
Bakura shook his head. "No, I told you. My host and his girlfriend did"  
"Host?" The doctor repeated, pronouncing it slowly as if she had to take time to comprehend the world. "Yes, the boy I share this body with," Bakura replied, boredly taking a tissue out of the box of Kleenex. "We have the same name, so it's convieniant"  
"So, your. . .a demon. . . that possesses this boy"  
"No"  
"A ghost"  
"No"  
"A Vampire"  
"Hell no"  
"A spirit"  
"Yes! I'm a spirit! I POSSESS THIS BOY AND HE'S ALWAYS AGGRAVATING ME! EVEN NOW, I HEAR HIM, SAYING 'YAMI, STOP! YAMI BE NICE! BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!! IT'S SO BLOODY AGGRAVATING"  
//I am not annoying!// Ryou added.  
"So, are you two anything alike?" Dr. Yuri asked "No! We look alike, but back when I had my own body, I had nice Egyptian tan! I'm completely differant! The boy says things like, 'please' and 'if you don't mind. . .' and all of that shit! And he's just. . .he's just. . .IRRITATING!" Bakura yelled, ignoring his hikari.  
The doctor added multiple peronalities to her notes.

"This girlfriend of yours," said, trying to ignore the fact that Bakura had once again lost his "man-ners". "Does she know about any of this"  
"OF COURSE!" Bakura hollared at the top of his lungs. "SHE'S THE REASON IM HERE! IT WAS HER IDEA! MY HOST JUST WENT ALONG WITH IT, BECAUSE HE 'AGREED' WITH HER! AND SHE WAS MINE FIRST! AND ITS NOT LIKE SHE DOESNT HAVE PROBLEMS! SHES THE ONE THAT TEMPORARILY SEALED MY POWERS FOR THE TIME IM IN HERE! WITH HER AND THAT NECKLACE"  
"She was yours first?" The doctor said. "So, I'm guessing that you and your other personality battle over her. . "  
"No, we don't fight," Bakura replied, ripping up the tissues more, not even bothering to pick them up. "What I meant is that Cheyenne is the reincarnation of my love, Shian"  
"So, in your past life, you believe that you knew this girl?" Dr. Yuri said, taking off her glasses to dust them on her blouse. "I know it was her," Bakura growled defensively. "They look practically just alike"  
"So, what happened with this Shian girl? Did you two break up before you were 'sealed' in that necklace?" She asked.  
"No, she was killed," Bakura replied, crossing his arms angrily. "She was carrying my child, but she didn't travel with me, and she wouldn't tell the pharoh's men my whereabouts, so they killed her. Crucified her. . . therefore, that was the end of the town of Cairo. I slaughtered everyone in the town in rage."

"Did this. . .come to you in a dream?" Asked the doctor, who was busy with her pen and paper. "No! I remember it very clearly!" Bakura barked, standing up. "THAT EXPLAINS WHY CHEYENNE WAS SO ATTRACTED TO MY HOST! ONLY HER PERSONALITY IS DIFFERANT NOW! SHE USED TO BE SO MUCH MORE FUN!" He looked up at the clock. "NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, MY HOUR SESSION IS OVER! GOOD RIDDANCE"  
"Nuh-uh-uh-uh," said, again in her rythmetic tone. "You were signed up for the extra long session"  
Bakura bit his lip and slammed himself down on the couch. "Fuck"  
"Now, Bakura, what about the manners that we talked about?" she said, sure to put emphasis on "manners". The white haired boy's white horns twitched in anger. He was silent. "My apologies," he growled insincerely.  
"Now," Dr. Yuri said, once again taking her notes. "Tell me, did this dream, eh, vision come to you as a result of being sexually active with this girl? Did you maybe forget to wear protection? Or did she miss her period? What caus"  
"NO!" Bakura yelled. "IT'S MOSTLY MY HOST THAT SHE MESSES AROUND WITH, NOT ME! THE ONLY WAY I EVER GET TO MAKE LOVE WITH HER IS IF I TAKE OVER MY HOST IN THE MIDDLE OF IT! SHE NEVER PAYS ATTENTION! BESIDES, THE GIRL IS STERILE"  
//Yami! I don't think that's appropriate!// Ryou whined to the dark spirit. Bakura smirked kinkily.

"Alright," The doctor replied, flipping over to a new page in her clipboard. "So, tell me, you say that you have 'powers', tell me about that"  
"I'll just show you. . ." Bakura sneered. He pointed to the golden ring around the doctor's ring finger. "That's from your fiance, who has blonde hair and blue eyes. His name begins with a J"  
The doctor poised herself up straight. He brought me lunch, she thought to herself. He must have saw him then . . .  
"That's very observant of you, Bakura," Dr. Yuri smiled sweetly. Bakura gave her a spiteful look. ". . ."

A couple of hours later, Ryou exited the counseling room with a heavy sigh.  
"Bakura, how'd it go?" Cheyenne asked, running up to him, giving him a hug. "Well, love, he didn't take it to well," the hikari sighed, hugging her back. "He's very angry right now. . "  
Cheyenne frowned. "Oh, I'm sorry. . .I thought it would be a good idea. . "  
She pulled the cresent moon necklace off of her neck and touched the ring with it. "There. . .as promised. . "  
"Don't worry about it," Ryou smiled faintly and held her hand. "Let's go home. . .I'm tired. . .thank god it's over. . ."

Dr. Yuri poked her head out the door as the two were walking out. "See you next week, Bakura"  
//Switch/  
The yami turned around. ".You just say?" he grinded his teeth, his horns more pointy than usual.  
"See you next week! Your appointment will be twice as long, there's much we need to discuss!" The doctor smiled.  
"HELL NO! YAMI NO GAME!!" Bakura yelled, as the whole room turned black and misty.  
"Bakura, no!" Cheyenne sighed in aggravation.  
"Yes!" Bakura yelled. "IM NOT COMING BACK TO NO DAMN COUNSELING SESSION!! NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME"  
"Ah, but Bakura, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery," Dr. Yuri reasoned, oblivious to everything around them being a black mist.  
Cheyenne hit her forehead with her palm.  
//Yami, no! She's just doing her job!// Ryou argued. Bakura ignored him with a smirk. "We're playing a little game, doctor. I've done what you want, now your doing as I command. The rules are simple. . .it's a game that you humans call 20 questions. However, we both play with our backs turned to one another."

The doctor pushed her glasses up to her eyes. "Very well, then. . "  
The two turned thier backs to one another.  
"Now, since you like to ask questions, why don't you be the asker?" Bakura suggested with a grim look on his face.  
". . .Is it a person?" The doctor asked. "No"  
"Is it an animal"  
"Yes"  
"Is it a light color"  
"No"  
"Is it a dark color"  
"No." "Is it a combination of colors"  
"Yes"  
"Does it walk on four feet"  
"No"  
"Does it walk on two feet"  
"No"  
"Is it a vegetarian"  
"No"  
"Is it a carnivore"  
"Yes"  
"Can it be found in Japan"  
"Yes"  
The doctor thought a moment. "Can it be found it be found in Egypt"  
"Yes"  
"Can it be found almost anywhere"  
"Yes"  
"Is it a snake?"

With an evil smirk, Bakura turned around. "The door of darkness has opened"  
The doctor turned around also with a nervous look on her face. "Wha-what"  
"You were cheating. . .you were using your mobile device to ask a source for answers. . .and it's not just any snake. . .it's the snake of the souls of the people of Cairo I slaughtered. . ." he licked his lips. Dr. Yuri pulled out her Blackberry. "H-How did you know that"  
"I know a great many things, Dr. Yuri," The thief replied. " I also know that your fiance will have to be finding a new bride. . ." he smiled sadistically. "Penalty Game."

The doctor's eyes opened to see a great serpant in front of her, with all the colors of the rainbow on it. It hissed and glared into her eyes.  
She stood still as the serpant's mouth opened, growing wider and wider, until it swallowed her whole. Bakura laughed.  
//Yami! Stop/  
"She's the one that cheated!" Bakura laughed.  
The darkness faded, and there was the doctor, curled up into a ball on the floor, shivering and crying.  
Bakura reached down and picked up her notepad. "You don't be needing this. . .you'll be in a comma soon"  
He tore it in half, then grabbed Cheyenne's hand, who was standing there in shock. "Let's go."

Cheyenne's blue eyes bugged at him. "Was it really right to do that?" she asked as the two exited the large building.  
"Of course," Bakura smirked, scanning the parking lot. "Where did we park"  
"Bakura, we walked," The girl said. "And you don't think you need help"  
The white haired boy put his arm around her with a smirk. "I don't need help," he said, "because I just so happen to have the ability to throw anyone I want into eternal darkness"  
Cheyenne gave him a dull look. "How could I forget that, my king of thieves?" she replied sarcastically.  
Bakura smiled and flicked her nose. "And whose bright idea was it to bring me here?"

THE END

~~~~Author's Notes~~~~

Wow, Bakura is REALLY convinced that he doesn't need help. O.O

~"What in the sands?" He's Egyptian. . .

~ "DON'T POINT THAT BLASTED THING AT ME!" Bakura hates this woman enough, but she goes all Dark Magician on him. Haha.

~ If you haven't read my story 5000 Years Ago When I First Fell in Love, then you probably don't get many of the things about Shian and the necklace and such. . .

Wow, I had a lot of fun with this. . .hm, not that many notes this time O.O Anyways, I had this idea when I was thinking about how much I hate counseling.  
Seriously, I've been in counseling since I was 5! I mean, I'm sick of it!  
Luckily for me, I know just what to say to take the easy way out ^.~ Why am I in counseling?  
Reasons.

Wow, I find that as I write my fanfics, I tend to listen to my techno music to speed me up a bit. Right now, I'm addicted to speed over beethovan, eurodancer, and starstruck XD Call me wierd, but all I really listen to is Japanese music and Techno XD Yeah, I live in America, but I don't really tend to care too much for American music. . .not sure why. . .  
Speaking of music, I had this song stuck in my head all night last night! It was so bloody horrible!  
Im sure you'll know what I'm talking about, it's that one song that goes, "nazo nazo, mitanini", I think that it's the ending to Haruhi Suziyamiya (sp?). Ive never watched it, amazingly enough, but somehow I have the song. . ?  
Oh yes, and I shall let all of you in on a secret *looks around paranoidly* there's a website called .si where you can download all the music you want! For free! They mostly have Japanese music, but theres some american music, too, and techno. There's no www. or .com, just thought I'd let all of you in on that secret ^___~

Anyway, I do wish all of you a very happy new year! *throws confetti*

. . . Shinigami like apples n.n 


End file.
